zoink! you are so superficial...

no i'm not! *boink3x* maybe just a lil...well...? am i? hmm...

a friend of mine was sharing with me her problems and her "demons" within last night via the oh-so-trustworthy msn messenger (what would we do without it right? bill gates, you're da man! haha) well i went on consoling her and me being me who is so self centred (i do consider myself one sometimes) told her that i also have my own short comings..sort of a "demon" also? i am very self conscious and that is why i go to the gym...you know what she said?

"zoink! you are so superficial..."

no i'm not! *boink3x* maybe just a lil...well...? am i? hmm...

it may sound so simple right? appearance. when someone is very self conscious about their appearance and looks in general then he would easily fall in the "superficial" or "vain" category. thing is i am never very confident with my own looks and how i project myself in public.

i was a very shy kid long10x time ago, still am during certain occasions and situations *i AAAMMM...i just don't show that side much anymore..hahaha* let's just say that i don't ace in the looks factor, no gals will stop and stare at me when i passby anytime soon just to cut long story short. so i actually promised myself last february when i hit 25 *my, i'm OLD* that i should give the nearby gym a shot and hopefully get a better built. in the process of everything i hope to regain my lost confidence :

am i trying to justify my intentions for frequenting the gym? maybe. am i shallow? probably.

but there's always two sides of a coin, i know that the reason is more than skin deep.

for love or money?

it's a tough one.

so my boss called me the other day to his office and mind you that windowless room isn't exactly my favourite room thanks to the amount of scoldings, reprimands and confrontations i had with him. as usual, he had the glum look on his face *actually some of us think it's all just an act so that he does to gain respect from us subordinates..ahaha* and he told me that i haven't been doing my job well up to his standard. he went on explaining that he needed a marketing assistant manager who is more available later than the supposed office hour *but we ARE paid til the office hour wot? i felt like smacking him..haha* and there i was sitting down listening to him blabbering high and low about how other marketing people stay much later than i do *c'mon it's bcoz they are slooooow..it's not a competition of who stays the latest!hahaha..* then he popped up the bomb:

"i think you should quit your tutoring"

wtf???? i've been tutoring ever since i am in my first semester of university and what was meant to be long draggy hours teaching brats had turned to enjoyable time chatting *while teaching of course* with wonderful erm..brats..hahaa..they are not "nice" but of course that's what makes all of them so interesting i think.










well i never really thought about it until he dropped another one:

"i have adjusted your pay immensely so i think i have the right to demand something out of it"

he did? really? that's nice.. :D but what about my students...hmm the question lies:

"for love or money?"

just like that cheap reality show, i find myself between two options: the money is good - DAMN good in fact...but i've kinduv grown attached to those kids..



"could you give me some time to think about it?"

i couldn't believe i actually said that.

the youngest child syndrome...

the other day i threw a tantrum when my boss gave me a hard time. it's very interesting really coz not everyone has the chance *not mentioning the guts* to do the same. :p i caaaan actually tell you high and low about how unreasonable he was with his "reasonings" and stuffs that i, for one went rolling my eyes gave up completely trying to explain to him about it. aaaanyways, the point is i think i have the youngest child syndrome. this is a big big big generalisastion if you wanna be skeptical and such but it's just a simple untested hypothesis so i suppose i'm open for any type of criticism....*shruggs*

maybe we as the youngest in the family are so used to getting what we want since our parents find us "cute" and "adorable" *notice the hiven? i think although the parents don't wanna admit it, they do find us irresistable at one point of time long10x time ago..ahem..well in a sort of OBSUCRE way at least..hehe..* thus when someone shout a loud "NO" in front of our faces, we go around sulking and go all out to alter the definite NO to a "probably" or even "i'll think about it" and for experts they can even go to a "fine"

it's just a dumb theory i thought of while i was on my way home thinking about that confrontation with my boss. i think i'd better stop all the tantrum throwing act before i lose my job..haha..unless i can develop it into a skill... :p

life is about parting

"Friends Forever?"...How lame...

A good friend of mine at the office decided to quit her job and become a full time housewife. Today was her last day attending work. Well, actually she left because she had enough with the bureaucracy and craziness of the corporate world. You know how working life is like, no matter how much you have done, every now and then you'll inevitable become a scapegoat over something you don't really do.

It was kind of hard to accept the fact that the nice lady (who used to be my boss when i first joined the company albeit my recent promotion) won't be around to share the hottest gossip around the office, discuss about our upcoming project/ longwinding report, or even bicker about our annoying bosses (but of course, right?)

"Life is about parting", I suppose that is a well known bitter truth. The next time we meet I don't suppose we can be this close anymore. She is definitely an elder sister I never had.

*Sigh* I think today I want to reflect and remember all those friends I was/am close to. I am so very thankful that at one point of time or another they have come to visit my humble world, paint it with their different unique colour and definitely made me who I really am today.

*Sigh* So many names, some I can't even remember how they looked like exactly.

"Cherish", yes cherish all those who are/ were important to you! We are just clay being moulded by them in every side, shaping us bit by bit. Thank you so much for all of you for being a friend in the past, present and hopefully of course forever.

"Friends forever"? No matter how arguable the phrase is and how skeptic I am towards it, let me just dworn myself in self delusional euphoria and believe that friends ARE forever. I just want all of you to know that I treasure all of you. Maybe not in the most obvious blunt manner, probably in my discreet quiet way but trust me - I do....

"Friends Forever"...

Promises

hi my name is spie_dee and i believe in promises too much *everbody says: "hi spie_dee"*

i wonder whether they have a rehab centre for people who keeps their promises too much. well i consider myself as one who tries to stick by what i say as much as possible even to the smallest little details. BUUUUT i expect people to do the same and unfortunately instead of my opinion of "promises are meant to be kept" they believe that "promises are meant to be broken" odd huh? yes i'm pretty odd o'righty...

a friend advised me that i should believe them but at the back of my head i should know that they might just cancel last minute. then what's the point of a promise? somehow a "promise" doesn't prove to value as much as it used to be, it is somewhat taken for granted. okay okay i'm being a bit drama here *abit?? ALOT!!! haha*

probably it's the problem with people who are busy and have too many things going on in their lives that they treasure the meaning of promises, even if it's only to go to the nearby bookshop to get the newest comic. cancellation with dumb excuses is just L.A.M.E with a capital EVERYTHING.

i suppose that's the joy of friendship *shruggs* if everything is always beautiful and perfect than it will be totally uninteresting and boring, sometimes the surge downwards when you are riding a "rollercoaster" is the most exciting part. but of course every human has his/her limit. don't try mine.

FRIEND(S) WANTED:
ONE WHO KEEPS HIS/HER PROMISES, ABLE TO UNDERSTAND WHINING AND ODD OUT OF THE BLUE THOUGHTS OF HIS/HER FRIEND. LIVING IN INDONESIA OR SINGAPORE IS A DEFINITE PLUS FOR CONSIDERATION. (PREFERABLY NOT FOUR LEGGED.)

a change of heart

i had one post regarding this friend who recently *at that time* received a promotion and acted like a total bastard (refer to my 13th may 2005 post) well guess what, he just got demoted...turns out the bosses found out about his incompetence and kind of took his subordinates away from me *together with most of his responsibilities* well he gets to keep the company car and the salary buuuuuut other than that, in terms of responsibilities he is now no different than me? *an ASSt manager..haha..*

i shall not be a total bastard as to bicker him in my blog. (i've done enough with my friends in the office..hahahaha)

the SHOCKING thing is that he suddenly out of the blue turns nice again. bye bye mr hyde haaa~~~rlow doctor jeckyl. odd right? well there are two ways to look at this situation i think. one, he realizes that he is such an ASS *in every way literal* that he decided to clean his act. two, he needs us now that the bosses aren't very fond of him....

of course, my initial reaction was to ignore him and his sudden change in mood but an online friend pointed out to me to "love thy enemy" *sigh* have you thought about this? it is seriously very easy to love and care for people we are fond of but for those who have treated us badly it is so very hard.

dunno what i should do now, i'd probably take it one step at a time. are we one to judge whether a person is wrong or right, maybe they have their own reasons for being nasty?

but then again another friend also told me that i should learn to shrugg off "these kind of shits". how very true.