Monday, May 14, 2007

visiting a friend

a lifetime's not too long to live as friends




























a couple of weeks back, mr. yandao and i decided to pay a visit to an old friend i haven't met for a good 8 years. although time and again i've always had this intention to go there but wasn't sure going alone would be a good idea. since the 7th of may 9 years ago was the day she left us, we decided to go on the 6th. i had a good conversation with her trying to update what has happened to my life (and common friends whom we know)

it's pretty strange as i was standing there looking at your photo half smiling half biting my lip, even until now it is still so hard to believe you have left us. 9 years ago i could not believe my ears when i heard you're in the hospital collapsed at the school field. i saw you in that morning, even joking about daily stuffs. then the next day you're gone. it was too fast it was just too fast.

i hope you still remember our present to you for your birthday, we were too cheapo to buy you anything expensive so someone came up with a "bright" idea as to record our own voices on a cassette tape. so there were we, 10 obnoxious boys yapping non stop for 1.5 hours about everything under the sun! i remember we sang "happy birthday" to you over and over coz we need to fill in the tape and there was this part that makes my heart aches everytime i remember. someone asked "hey hey what do you want to be when you grow up, anna?" then someone replied "be a pilot!" (internal joke), "be a singer!", "aiyah be anything that earns you a lot of money lah!". i also remember we taped it until very late at night we had to continue only with study lights (hostel regulation lights off!) then someone suggested "hey later YEARS from now, let's all play soccer anna, it'll be so fun!! everybody can bring their family, so crowded. so messy!" "we should play golf instead! yah, when we're all successful we should play golf!" hahaa.... those were the days. it's kind of embarrassing recalling all the memories now but it was definitely a sincere gift :)

it's ironic really. coz you, being the very promising person that you are do not get to live your dreams. the 10 obnoxious boys unfortunately are unable to keep our promises to play soccer with you, to tee off with you, to tease you about your silly looking pinefore anymore. *sigh* it's been 9 years, honestly it doesn't feel that long. i can still see the worry in everybody's eyes at the hospital, the crying of the gals at the side, the guys sitting on the floor too shocked to say anything.

we've been blessed. so very blessed to have known someone as you. we've known each other for 3 years? 4 years? seems so short though. maybe that song is right - a lifetime's not too long to live as friends? do you think?

well i just want to say that i miss you. i'm sure everybody here misses you in different ways. maybe not saying it, not showing it. we might not come to visit you that often. but trust me, we do miss you in everything we do.

anna, you're always in our prayers...

Friday, May 11, 2007

explain.

my internship started last monday and so did the special term classes, these days my schedule is almost as insane as it was back in jakarta. usually i come home not wanting to see my laptop anymore and straight head to the bed to do light reading or get some sleep. it's good in a way though, it keeps my brain busy rather than thinking unnecessary things that depress myself too much

so this week i've been thinking, why is it so important to keep a certain image in front of others? we sometimes sacrifice so much things just so that the person next to you think you are such a nice person. but there are times when it's not worth explaining? maybe because the person you're talking already has a certain perspective of you and feels hesitant to alter his/her opinion? or (in my case) i'm just simply too tired.

i guess it's my bad habit, when i'm exhausted my point of indifference marginally shifts significantly. in short, i'm just too tired to explain things i feel unnecessary.

maybe some will see me as selfish. call me self centered. anything.

but i hope if they're really my friends, the least they can do is to understand me better. (but the question pops out, the least i can do is to understand them <-- chicken and egg) but you know what? my brain is just not working anymore. let them think what they want.

Saturday, May 05, 2007

my very first speed dating

about a month ago i went to a networking nite held by the school's club and it's alumni. other than the standard catered food and the whole politician feel during the whole event, i must say one thing that strikes me most (as being funny?) is that networking nites (or such an event) felt almost like speed dating...

what do you do during networking nites, you ask? well basically, you *ahem* network. let me explain it in a dumb and dumber way:

1. introduction - get yourself noticed!
you go up to this small group of people, practically squeeze yourself in by trying to nod your head profusely grunting "uhuh" every now and then until everybody in that circle notice you, the next step is to say "i agree with your opinion, i think...". blah blah your way into the conversation and apply every bullsh*tting technique you learn from your mba course (WHICH? there are TOO many of them! hahaa...).

2. to continue... or NOT!
now when you reach this point there are two possibilities; you enjoy the conversation (or you can BEAR the conversation) and continue with this circle OR you find them too interesting for your boring personality (sometimes the conversation requires too much brain cell -_-", hey i'm eating - i don't do eat and think at the same time excuse moi) and you move on.

3. tactful way of exiting (until it's used by too many people)
remember, it's networking nite and you wouldn't want to burn any bridges so early right? you don't go "hey, you're boring i think i'll go over to the other group now" or even hint a "i think i'll mingle with the other less loser people for a while now" those are just too crude. you go "hey, you want more drinks? i think i'll get more, you want anything?" and pray none of them want anything.

3.5 desperado move
the toilet exit - "something's wrong with my bladder tonight" and rush yourself to the gents (FREEEDOOOOM!!!!).

4. a perfect exit (take a bow)
and you leave the group (refrain yourself from screaming "yes" and doing that hand gesture that comes along with the phrase) go inside grab a drink then join another group. go back to number 1 :)

i find this whole procedure just waaaaaaaay too interesting not to mention in my blog. personally, i find that step 3 and 4 are too ingenious in a world of networking events - it's just way too smooth.

until it was done three times to you and you start taking offense.