at a junction...

a prayer of good luck


JJ Lin's "Sarang Heyo"

do you know where you want to be? do you know which way you want to go? are you sure it's all not just a facade you're facing? a mere shadow of the past? something that you do just to prove upon a point? are you sure it's the right choice?

maybe that's life. everything is about options and the choices we make everyday. sometimes i think the decisions we point onto make us who we are.

we strife... we definitely use every single ounce of our will power to reach our vision but when we're almost there we have our second thoughts. it's like when we want to buy an expensive car. you make up your mind that you want this car because it's nice, comfortable and the colour is really striking. in short: you want THIS car. you work day and night, spend money thriftly to save up for this dream car. but when you have saved enough you have second thoughts... is this really what you want? there are other better cars you know. are you sure you won't be wasting your hard earned money just for this? are you buying it just to gain a certain respect from people? or do you really need it? do you need it or do you want it? wants and needs are definitely two different things; between ego vs the essentials.

but then again sometimes self indulgence might not always be a sin. so as i was saying i'm at a junction still unsure of everything. i think i know where i will go but i just need to put myself in the correct mindset before i make the first step anywhere. i don't believe if there is a "wrong choice", there are always two ways to see something. don't you think?

just tap me in the back and wish me luck...that should be enough. for now at least.

there are times when my friends get annoyed and ask me "what on earth are you talking about?" and i usually answer don't bother, i'm just talking to myself. this is probably one of those times.

life is like a boat

how very true

i think i'm just floating in my life, waiting for the next wave to come by and sweep me away... do enjoy this very beautiful song by Rie Fu taken from the Bleach ending theme.

Life Is Like A Boat - Rie Fu
Nobody knows who I really am
I never felt this empty before
And if I ever need someone to come along
Who's gonna comfort me and keep me strong?

We are all rowing the boat of fate
The waves keep on comin' and we can't escape
But if we ever get lost on our way
The waves would guide you through another day

Breathing in the distance as if I've become transparent
It seemed to be the dark, but I was merely blindfolded

I offer my prayers and wait for a new day
To the end of the sea that shines vividly

Nobody knows who I really am
Maybe they just don't give a damn
But if I ever need someone to come along
I know you would follow me, and keep me strong

People's hearts move and want to slip out
The moon in its new cycle brings along boats again

And every time I see your face,
The oceans heave up to my heart
You make me wanna strain at the oars,
And soon I can see the shore

Oh, I can see the shore
When will I.... can see the shore?

I want you to know who I really am
I never thought I'd feel this way towards you
And if you ever need someone to come along
I will follow you, and keep you strong

The journey is still continuing even on calm days
The moon still illuminates the boat in a new epoque

I offer my prayers and wait for a new day
To the end of the sea that shines vividly

And every time I see your face,
The oceans heave up to my heart
You make me wanna strain at the oars,
And soon I can see the shore

Rowing the boat of destiny
The waves assault us
One after the next
But that's a wonderful journey, too
Any one of them is a wonderful journey

detour part 1

a rocky path

as my journey goes i suppose there are many detours and last month was definitely a major one. a rocky detour where i realize that every single person has a problem of his own. all these while my friends and i have lead a carefree life, of coz we have our own share of problems and tribulations. however it is never this much and all at the same time.

sometimes i wonder how friends drift apart as they grow older, i dreaded that fact last time but i think i understand why now. seems that everyone has a problem at some point in their life. something they need time thinking, some pondering to do and obviously some space to do so. it's great to have someone to share with and it's an even better feeling to know someone trust you enough to be their ears. that means you are somewhat trusted with the obstacles your friend's facing. but there is always a limit.

maybe that's what sets 'just friends' and 'significant other' apart? or am i being selfish? it's not that i'm not willing to help friends in their 'troubled waters', do not make me a villain so fast. who doesn't want to be "a friend in need is a friend indeed" right? but sometimes there is a limit to a certain extent a 'just friend' will be able to help too. we're just there to tell our friend which direction he/she should go and if that person thinks otherwise than there's nothing really much you can do. but after a few occassions and it seems that that 'friend' always take a different path although they ask you for your opinion, you grow tired. tired coz you realize that you've been used. that 'friend' sometimes does not require help, he/she just wants you for self pity indulgence. i use the word 'want' rather than 'need' since i find a person in trouble needs solution and self pity is nowhere near the exit to any problem.

let me set my cards again on the table; your friend is wallowing in self pity and wants a pair of ears to listen to them but you're having a havoc of your own. is it selfish to not point any direction for your friend and give a shrugg instead? mean huh? i would think so. a better solution probably is just to walk away... did i tell you that now i know why friendship sometimes drift apart when we grow older. it's not you, trust me it's not you - it's the world we're living in and the problems we are exposed to. *sigh*