detour part 1
a rocky path
as my journey goes i suppose there are many detours and last month was definitely a major one. a rocky detour where i realize that every single person has a problem of his own. all these while my friends and i have lead a carefree life, of coz we have our own share of problems and tribulations. however it is never this much and all at the same time.
sometimes i wonder how friends drift apart as they grow older, i dreaded that fact last time but i think i understand why now. seems that everyone has a problem at some point in their life. something they need time thinking, some pondering to do and obviously some space to do so. it's great to have someone to share with and it's an even better feeling to know someone trust you enough to be their ears. that means you are somewhat trusted with the obstacles your friend's facing. but there is always a limit.
maybe that's what sets 'just friends' and 'significant other' apart? or am i being selfish? it's not that i'm not willing to help friends in their 'troubled waters', do not make me a villain so fast. who doesn't want to be "a friend in need is a friend indeed" right? but sometimes there is a limit to a certain extent a 'just friend' will be able to help too. we're just there to tell our friend which direction he/she should go and if that person thinks otherwise than there's nothing really much you can do. but after a few occassions and it seems that that 'friend' always take a different path although they ask you for your opinion, you grow tired. tired coz you realize that you've been used. that 'friend' sometimes does not require help, he/she just wants you for self pity indulgence. i use the word 'want' rather than 'need' since i find a person in trouble needs solution and self pity is nowhere near the exit to any problem.
let me set my cards again on the table; your friend is wallowing in self pity and wants a pair of ears to listen to them but you're having a havoc of your own. is it selfish to not point any direction for your friend and give a shrugg instead? mean huh? i would think so. a better solution probably is just to walk away... did i tell you that now i know why friendship sometimes drift apart when we grow older. it's not you, trust me it's not you - it's the world we're living in and the problems we are exposed to. *sigh*
posted by spie_dee @ 10:14 PM
3 Comments:
I just wanted to say that well-meaning words sometimes fall on deaf ears. Before you say anything else, I will just like to bring yr memory back to a few weeks ago when you felt that I was being too brutally frank. =) See what I mean about words, no matter how well-intended, would not mean anything if the person doesn't want to hear that drift of thought. So yah, it's really not you or me or him or them watever. It's just human nature.
to befriend someone is like to gamble. he will be your 'true friend', or he will be your friend only when it is convenient for you or for him. sadly, only a few will become 'true friend'. nevertheless, just enjoy the time you spend with your friends while you can, and when the friendship drifted apart, at least you have the opportunity to know that so-called friends :)
I've been reading some "Discworld" series book and I think I read it somewhere...about looking for opinion. The author suggested that sometimes when we share our difficulties/problems with other people (i.e. friends, families).., we are merely talking out loud.
Therefore, we may not expect people to offer us with solutions because we already know our options. We may even have decided what we want to do, but we need another head to certify that.."yes.. this is not gonna be an easy way to do things, but if I think I have to do it.. then I have to do it"
(But don't you think it's good that your friend follow a different way, at least you could dissociate yourself from future problems caused by a wrong decision in his/her part. Instead of saying "sorry, I didn't realise it would turn out like this", you can sing a beautiful tune of "well, i've told you sooooooo")
And sometimes we don't want to be pitied upon, though sometimes we do. Because by being pitied upon (not to the excessive, of course), it indirectly means that hey... somebody cares.
And friendship does not drift apart because for just one bad occasion, a plea for help fall in a supposedly deaf ears (because you're listening to your own problems). I mean, if you have been giving 99 good response out of 100 plea for help. Your 'just friend' will know that there's a 99% chance you will lend him/her a pair of trustworthy ears the next time round. Why will he/she strip you of from that 'friend' label????
And have you ever considered that the only true friend we may ever have is ourself ??? Here's the person who has stuck with you in all occasions ever since you're born. Don't tell me you should ignore the 'help!!!' signal from the dearest you yourself????
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