Saturday, April 21, 2007

Take The Wheel

on exams stress

past few weeks have been insane; exams, projects and presentations come and go each and every day. been really tired and there is still finance management exam with its killer professor who is notorious for being super stingy with grades. my body's really tired and hopefully i can make it til next thursday, just two more exams to go

not sure who mentioned it first but somehow this song was mentioned during my light conversation with my friends just now. i've heard it quite some time ago and at that time, it didn't really have any impact whatsoever. just like any other easy listening song, it was easy on the ears but nothing much *shrugs*

just now i went to youtube to give the song a second shot... it's interesting how this song speaks to me in a strange manner. i've always known that my character failing is in trying to do too many things at one time and when everything crumbles apart i'll be complaining

this reminds me of a story back in my sunday church once *long long LOOOOONG time ago* when i was still a toddler. a child was making lego blocks of a tall building, he was so busy trying to figure out how to make the building higher, putting parts together slowly. when his father asked him if he needs any help, the boy shrugged off the offer saying that it's his own creation and he should build it on his own. the firm and tall looking building which the boy spent his hours making suddenly came tumbling down, broken into small pieces. the boy cried and asked his dad why he didn't try to do anything to stop the building from crashing down. the father answered, because you don't let me help you and take the lead...

jesus, take the wheel...

Saturday, April 07, 2007

The Three Letter Word

IOU

Friend: Hey, how do you say "i love you" in Indonesian?
Me: It's mmmm... we don't really say "i love you", we go "i care about you"
Friend: Ok, but how do you say it in Indonesian?
Me: Well, you know.... mmm....
Friend: Yes?
Me: mmmm... it's....
Friend: YOU have a commitment issue you know
Me: -_-"

so tell me something new.

i'm sure you've heard that everyday we learn about ourselves more and more, well today i learn that i've an issue with commitment. not that i go around telling people "hi, my name is spie_dee and i am commitment paranoid" but yeah i guess i need to resolve this problem.

OOOOR maybe i can see it the classical rather keynesian method where interference would do nothing than interrupt with the order of the world. everything will fall back to its natural level in due time.

my god, you know you're reading too much when you start seeing things in a "different light" (economics for this matter, woohee FUN! *groan*). and of coz one day i will find enlightenment that will make me able to say those three letter word in a straight face. heck, let's start now - it's mmmmm....... mmmm....... *mumble* i'll get back to you -_-"

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

the supposed friends

it's just hard doing a conversation with some "friends". you don't get responses at all or the responses are not what you expect. am i being simplistic as wanting to get some positive response sometimes? don't really know what is wrong, can't really pin point the real problem either, if there is any. but it just gets very draining when having a conversation is so hard.

there are times when i question that, if friends are supposed to make you happy, welcomed and accepted, why are there those times when you feel that they don't understand you or not even making an effort in that friendship. strange.

it just gets tiring when a friendship is one way. you feel that you're giving too much and don't get anything in return. but that triggers a question - who asked you to.

no one.

no one actually did, didn't it? so why am i pushing my way through and forcing it? maybe i'm just tired and i need to get some rest. i don't know. but i know that i'm really mentally exhausted with how things are going on, one or two times i guess i can shrug it off but i think it's been a few times too many. i guess i need time to sigh and exhale for a while.