the world still revolves - maturity

one step closer

it's pretty odd i must say. i thought when your dreams are dashed into pieces it'll feel worse than this but if i must comment then i was "okay". for the past five years what i've wanted nothing more than to return to singapore for further studies and my chances (or so i thought) were quite respectable. however just last week i received a phone call from my mum that said my application was unsuccessful due to...well i didn't really bother to listen nor read the rest of the letter, i actually got the whole point judging from that "unsuccessful" word. they must sugar coat it and make it sound less painful - "it's not you, it's the mountainous amount of people and the limited seats in the uni that made us unable to accept you THIS time." it's one thing if each and every one gets a different personalized reply but it's another if there are hundred others who receive the same thing. (it's quite satirically laughable if i think about it again actually) so if you excuse me: har har..

haven't felt this disappointed for a very long time i think coz since i'm in indonesia everything has been quite smooth sailing with no significant turbulance. then when i was in a business trip out of town, i received these kinduv news, it was definitly not easy. i still had to meet the customers and convince them that i am this expert person from jakarta who were there to listen to their complains and hopefully able to supply a solution for further business plans ahead. "i still have to walk on. no time to stop and ponder. just take a deep breath and use your senses. nothing has changed. accept the rejection."

there'll be other chances next time. i suppose this rejection is good in a way.

i am one step closer to being an adult.

what a difference a day made...

today i realize: "a whole lot..."

so today that friend received the bomb, the company has decided to let him go for good. and so i start thinking again, "what a difference a day made..."

sometimes we are so content with what we have, what we own and what we have achieved when sometimes probably the most important thing is who we are. i'm not even talking if a person is to pass away or something but it's so much simpler than that, to lose a job in one company.

regret always comes much later i suppose. regret which originated from the Old Norse (amongst others of course) word "grAta" practically means to weep IS a pretty sad word i must say.

so the main point is no matter how much we try to grasp onto what we have, the next moment someone might just take that away from us whether we like it or not, whether we are ready or not, etc.

carpe diem? indeed.

the world is too result oriented (anyone dare to say otherwise?)

the end is never the end before the(e) end

i suppose not so many people quite like the idea of having a sudden change; something that is so abrupt, foreign and pretty much unfamiliar isn't exactly one that is wanted. probably people are so content with their current situation that when a shift is needed *or rather done* it is like pulling a rug under their feet?

yesterday a colleague leaked out the gossip of the month (it is supposedly a secret no one other than the higher management people is supposed to know..and yes the keyword here is "supposedly") remember that friend who is a stuck up manager? well he is going to be fired next monday right after the hari raya holidays. it came as such a shock since no one quite expected it. well he was quite incompetent for the last few months because he was always ill and even skpped work a few times (too many times if you ask me, but he WAS sick) due to stress and overexhaustion. the problem is i suppose the bosses oversees his whole attempt but rather the results of his work instead which are not really worth the mention. c'mon the guy was making vomitting sound every other second, how on earth do you expect him to be able to pass up a decent report?

in my opinion this whole case is sad. on one hand you have this man who is happily spending his one week holiday in his hometown, pretty much contented with everything since his wife of one year is at the moment four months pregnant and his job can be considered as stable, considering the facilities he has received. btw he is also currently installing a house in one of the better parts of jakarta. whereas on the other this very same person is going to be "let go for better opportunities" on his first day of work next week. i don't know how his reactions would be when he hears this news on monday, i don't think i dare to say anything to him.

part of me wants to say that it serves him right for treating his subordinates so badly but of course i also pity him coz i know he has tried his best in doing his job. it's just not good enough? think about it, there are parents who tell their children that the most important of doing anything is putting your heart in it and doing your best rather than doing better than all the other kids. well reality check for you all parents and future parents - it's not! apparently our world is so shallow as to appreciate results so much more than attempts. call me shallow, call me dumb but i myself appreciate my subordinates who pass up their reports on time and with a certain standard rather than those who stays overtime daily. don't we all? pretty hard to say i guess. as much as i want to believe that it's the attempts that counts, i know that it's not true.

sometimes i worry. it's been nagging me, what if i was to be put in his shoes. to have tried everything that i can but in the end of the day still considered not worthy enough of people's respect and acceptance?

maybe a bow and one step backward would be much more appreciated? or is it the fight til the end that would be more respectable? it's 2.30 am now and i still can't fathom the reason why i'm feeling so depressed over other people's problem. maybe i just want to be more prepared if ever the rug under my feet is pulled? well there is always a continuation after the whole 'fall' coz the world doesn't end there, you still have to get up after it. a 'fall' is natural, something that can happen and will probably happen in everybody's life (harlow blame it to the 9.87 m/s2 gravity..har har, corny huh?) but sometimes it's how you get up from the fall that counts also coz it's the results that count right? i suppose it's never the "end" until the(e) end. *sigh*