my 2009 wish~

so it's the last day of the 2008, within 12 hours and 5 minutes we'll all
be in the 2009. i wish i can say that i'm unaffected about all these
overhyped roman calendar (more specifically julian calendar actually) new
year but today i'm feeling rather reflective. it's one of the very same
feeling you get at the end of a one week holiday just before the exams. you
end up wondering where have all the days gone to? and darn it you could've
utilized those hours better.

i did things i wasn't proud of, said things i wish i didn't amongst other
things but probably i should learn being more positive every now and then.

as usual, there's a fleeting thought in my head, if only human can be an
asocial being. do we necessarily need people around us to actually live?
maybe our lives are defined by the people around us, what they feel about
us, what they think about us and also who are they really (to us maybe)?

it's sad really to think of it that way, can't we be ourselves because we
want to. be ourselves because we are.

and a gazillion other people will definitely say, yes you should be
yourself... *sure*

but when the society is build in a certain manner that you are expected to
be this way, that way and everything else, i can't help feeling just a
little bit down

(at this point i wonder if my colleagues' negative impression of their jobs
kind of rub in the wrong way for the past few days hmmm...)

imagine this scenario, let's say a person ideally throws his
job/career/life to pursue his "dream" or so he thinks ala "the alchemist".
what do you think the society will think?

what about this one. if a person is generally shy and rather awkward when
meeting new people. why is it judge as "wrong" or a "weakness"? (mind you
the quotation marks really)

not that i'm saying i can relate (or want to relate) to both scenarios
above, somehow it just popped in my head (blink?). somehow i just don't get
how the society works. and since society where we are living in builds who
we really are (aw really?), well i must say i don't quite understand myself
clearly. i find myself doing many many things just because (yes there's no
continuation to that sentence... just because...)

well most of all i wish a many things in the new 2009 but above them, i
hope i know more of myself in the coming year. hmmm....~

when you loathe your job so much~

so a friend was complaining about his job today. well actually not really
complaining probably, it's more of he looks somewhat lifeless today. it's
been going on for a few days (around a week maybe?) but today he was
exceptionally lifeless. after much inquiring he mentioned that he's
dreading his job and colleagues at the office. sounds like something that
everybody has nagging behind their back right? he is so depressed about
this that he seems to be losing sleep and everything.

odd huh? it made me thinking about myself hmm.. can't really say i'm in
love with my job but i can't really say i loathe my job either. i'm fine
with it (maybe i lack passion, as my boss said haha~), there are good days
and of course there are bad days. it's the very same way like how life is.
life sucks. so what, that's old news, everybody knows that haha. doesn't
mean you stop living right?

i really hope he'd cheer up though. there's always options all around. i
always believe in options. it's a matter of choosing it and being patient
in waiting for that option to appear. in the meantime, just try to enjoy
the ride i suppose :)

what type of friend are u?

have u done these kind of quiz before? facebook actually helped circulate and popularize such quizes, surely if u have an account there u've been invited to one in the past.

the thing is, i don't need to do one to know what type of friend i am. i am a FLAKY friend, yes i am~

i have a few close friends in the past whom over some reason or situation i don't keep in contact anymore. sad huh? it's not that i do not treasure the friendship nor the time (and effort) 'invested' in that friendship, but somehow.. hmm..

i'm juz thinking, maybe the reason is me? i'm not too sure. sometimes i try to blame it on geographical limitation or time constraints but it's as much correlation as the decrease in crime with the government policy (yes i've been reading Freakonomics FINALLY!).

you know something, i fear that i'll end up alone and sad in the future because i don't have anyone whom i can call a 'close friend'

maybe i will, maybe i won't. hmm.. just a rambling at 1am on a sunday night.. hmm..

whine whine whine~

i actually wrote a long long entry regarding how bad these past few days have been for me but you know something, i'm getting sick whining.

let me just summarize it:
i'm boring~

deal with it...

feel like going for a drink somewhere ergh...

i get so easily distracted ergh~

i dunno why i'm so bothered by that comment just now. a close friend was joking, he implied that they talked behind my back. well who won't be bothered right? hmmm maybe i'm EVEN more bothered because it's a close friend and i don't quite expect it more than the whole notion of having my negative trait(s) dissed out in the open (aw shucks haha). the thing is can you just talk without letting me know (or even the slight notion of implying -_-")

well anyway now i'm more than curious on what was actually exchanged between these 2 friends of mine really. you know the stupid thing is i might just be distracted simply by a stupid joke and maybe just maybe they didn't even talk about me at all (or just a fleeting comment? *shrugs*)

as usual i think i'm being silly (re: STUPID) i guess hehe.. having a long melancholic mood now. darn, it's such a bad character trait. maybe it's a good topic for them to discuss next time? hahaha :D *ok NOW i can laugh all about it*

the pooh bear boy~

the best thing with going back is probably the feeling of familiarity. how i feel that i know the places around my home, visiting late night supper with my mum and all. so one night my mum, auntie and i went for noodle nearby my place after a whole day of shopping (hehe!). this is probably part of the reason why i always gain weight in jakarta! it seems mothers take delight feeding their children continuously. definitely something i don't quite comprehend, but o well maybe it's a mother thing? o_0

anyway while waiting for our food, a little boy approached us. first we were curious what he wanted *immediately feeling my wallet in case he's a pickpocket haha.. hey i was in jakarta after all, to give them credit the pickpocketers in indon are good!* turns out he was selling some traditional cake and asking people from table to table if they are interested to buy some.

i couldn't help feeling a deep sense of pity for this boy. he's no more than 7? maybe 8 years old? looked like one of the neighbourhood boys actually, clean and decent looking but there he was at 10.30pm in the late hour of the evening trying to sell some cakes. he had this pooh bear sling bag to probably act as his purse.

first thing in my mind was doesn't he need to go to school the next morning?

hmmm... it was heartbreaking more than anything else~

i didn't buy anything from that boy, until now i'm also not sure why i didn't buy anything. would i be helping him if i buy a few tidbits from him? or maybe his parents will ask him to sell more even after that? i dunno... it was reflex more than anything else to say "no thank you" the moment he asked i guess..

sometimes we wonder about our childhood and feel that others had it better than we did. some were so very lucky. yes, i'm not denying that fact. some were, some ARE lucky however don't forget those who were (are) less fortunate than us (believe me, there are MANY).

hey, that's life, we can't choose how we're borne i suppose. but we can choose how we live. make the best out of what we're given and we'll be fine...

i really do hope that pooh bear boy can grow up as someone with a bright bright future ahead of him though~ hmmm....

a friend's wedding and all

so i went back to jakarta last week to attend my friend's wedding and at the same time clear 2 days of leave that i won't be able to carry forward. i must say it was one fun, crazy and slightly surreal experience all bundled into one. maybe it's the break from work? (yeah that must be IT! hehe) as i was telling my friend, i was more excited to get away from singapore then going back jakarta actually :p

this time around i have more time to sleep and meet up with old friends (those i haven't met for the longest time). had a really nice long chat with them too, didn't realize how much i miss my life back in jakarta... so many things to write, i'm not even sure where to start. maybe i'll break it into a few entries depending on which comes to mind first hmm..

i'll start with the wedding first since it was one of the main reasons why i went back. as most of you are probably aware, weddings in indo (jakarta?) are big gala events for everyone; not only for the bride&groom but also the family (of course), friends (kaypoh as we can be haha) and even attendees (c'mon some spend hours in the salon prior to the wedding!).

being held in a supposed big restaurant, my friends asked me to wear a blazer (which i ignore haha) but lo and behold virtually EVERY GUY in the room was wearing blazers (except for the waiters -_-" and some uncle or uncle looking people (kekeke) who were wearing the batik shirt.

it's been so long since i met up with the big group. most of them are usually too busy to turn up during normal get-togethers nowadays, i guess they especially take time off for this wedding.

here's a group pose :)



















wira's missing coz he was taking the picture though :p he asked (re: forced) me to bring my 40D which i agreed on condition he was to lug it around during the party hehehe...

of course we didn't forget to do silly poses (good thing our tables were in one obscure corner <-- i wonder if it was pre arranged by the groom haha)...



























and yes it WAS wine in the glass i'm holding in the picture, i CAN down liquor these days (if only one glass haha)



















wat the heck are you trying to make me drink??? ergh!!!



















one of my best FRIENDs.. :)

there are crazier poses with other friends but i think i'll keep it for my own keep sake (haha..)



















hey yo, haven't met aling for a while after she's attached, seems like she's busy with her work too. we were seated in different tables too so didn't get much time to chat. i really like this shot though, i thought it's nice~

i suppose the whole party felt so nostalgic.. as if we're back in the uni days again. o well, the whole 5 days trip/holiday to jakarta felt nostalgic this time around i guess... hmmm...

anyway, shouldn't steal the limelight too much (hehehe), congratulation again to steve and yenni for your wedding, wish you two the very very BEST! :)