what's wrong with you?

erm..yeah, what's wrong with me?

so i have this friend who every now and then tells me that he is not so comfortable with himself. there was one time when he asked me if it is possible for him to change? of course not in appearance but in terms of personality. is it possible? good question i think. being a person who has tasted the singaporean *KIASU* education i shall approach this question as: "to a certain extent..."

*do you notice that history and literature classes are filled with this line? it's never a "yes" or a "no"*

change in personality? the initial question i ask was "what's wrong with you?", despite his answer explaining that he doesn't quite like himself i quietly asked myself "erm...yeah, what's wrong with me?" and i muttered to myself "i'm single?" my mind stopped with a screeching halt, wait, is it so wrong being single? there must be something not right if the whole world is attached and you are not, right?

maybe it's something like choosing your badminton partner during a PE class, the only kid left out is most probably the most unpopular one. the whole class has a partner and even the naughtiest nastiest nose picking pants peeing dirty minded boy in the class has a badminton partner and that one little boy is the odd one out. there must be something really wrong right? *shruggs* don't ask me, this whole blog entry seems like a big memoir of my past. har har..

i think being a 25 year old male in the world is not easy, and being a 25 year old SINGLE male in the world is even harder. when you go to the malls you will tend to see the couples walking side by side, holding hands, cuddling or doing whatever couples do. *roll eyes* lemme tell you, it's not EASY! it's called peer pressure i suppose?

back to the first question, "can i change?" i, for once shall change my mind and alter the question a little bit *can you do that in lit classes???* to a smarter one - "is there a need to change?" if there is nothing wrong to change then is there a need to change?

rhetorical question.

the thing is sometimes you should not change the "wrongs" and alter the "not rights" in you. everybody has a different perspective of the rights and wrongs, what we singles *just like the kraft cheese product* would need to do is to wait. yeah, you heard me right, we have to wait for someone who thinks that our wrongs are not so wrong and our rights are never that right either. i think we should appreciate what we have, we are who we are, TRY to be comfortable with our own skin and do the best we can to make sure we are "okay". what's the point of trying to change on the surface; to talk more, to be more eloquent with people of the other gender, etc if inside we are still the same person. change is not a thinking process, it comes more naturally. it needs TIME.

so the next time that friend asks me again - "can i change?" i shall answer, "yes you can but not if you want to"

do you know that life is unfair?

say it isn't so...

last weekend was definitely interesting, not that much different than my other weekends but it was rather uncanny. i got the chance to meet quite a number of old and new friends. you know when you meet old friends you always compare them to your current friends, their oldselves and eventually yourselves. of course from all sorts of aspects; from how they look now, how successful they are and even how attractive *or probably not :p* their significant others are *IF you happen to meet them with that special other person*

and so i bump into this old friend i was quite close to at the beginning of my college life on saturday. he didn't really change much since that time i suppose. that's the thing. he didn't change much since i last saw him, which was about two years ago. he was still simple in his simple t-shirt and jeans. i hate to say this but there was nothing really strikingly special about him. even his girlfriend was "simple"(?)

not long after that my friend planned a rendezvouz with her friendster's friend. odd huh? to meet someone annonymously from the internet. well you maybe kind of know how he looks but other than that i suppose you are limited to how decent this person wants to project himself online or probably it has to come down to how honest this "25/m jkt" individual wants to be.

my first impression has got to be "wealthy", this person oozes out cash from every pores of his body. he has that aura that says "i'm a successful young person". have you met that kind of people before? come to indonesia, i'll bring you to the hippest mall in town and you'll be saying "one of the poorest countries in the world my foot!" after further conversation with his friends, we realized that these people come from a pretty rich background.

"life's unfair"

i suppose life is like a whole ladder climbing competition but the catch is that not everyone starts from 0. some people start from 3, 5 or even 9? unfair you say? it's just how life is. we always attempt to climb as many stairs as we can by studying, working or even marrying the right people *haha* but the fact is not everyone can have the chance to go all the way up to 10.

what about us? where are we now? are we a 5? a 7? a 1? or maybe a 2 trying to lie to ourselves that we are an 8? for now i think i don't really bother where i am, i just want to climb as many "stairs" i can and grab as many chances as i can. and about that small little part regarding "marrying the right people", ermm....anyone up for it? *grin*