only sky is the limit

in love with the past

today i came to the office late coz i took my own sweet time driving - i was in one of my reflective moods again. couldn't help thinking about the whole notion of doing my masters in singapore that seems to be further than expected. there are some people, quite a significant amount actually who asked me "why do you want to do your masters in singapore so bad?" but excuse me maybe i'm reading too much into it but it does sound like "why are you so desperate?" alot.

maybe the idea of me going to spore for studies is like that street lamp in the picture i took this morning, it looks so close to the sky but it's actually just an optic illusion, in reality it's pretty much impossible to reach. am i lying to myself?

probably

but i seriously want to give myself one more shot, i don't want to wake up one day when i am 40 and think that i should have given my dream another chance. why am i so desperate? good question, it might come out in the GMAT i'm going to take in a couple of weeks to boost my application form. (har har..) am i desperate? yes i suppose to a certain extent i am desperate to see what is left outside of this mundane world in my life. it might be the same thing all over but at least then i would know that it's the same outside.

a friend asked me the other day "why would you want to leave your career behind and start over?" because i want to see outside of the box. i even made a stupid analogy to explain to her about the my whole theory of going to singapore. i was actually giving myself a somewhat self justification for wanting to change my life as a whole.

as much as the government wants to prove that indonesia is now a very developed country, there's no denying that it's a third world country that is filled with poverty and pretty backward compared to other countries (eg. spore). in what way? almost every way if you ask me. i might already be in step no.6 out of 8 steps in indonesia but in singapore there is a total of 10 steps to climb. so if i go there i'll have to start over and might even ultimately end up with a 5 but at least i have given my shot at the 10 steps. more importantly i have seen how the 10 steps are like. does that make any sense at all? :D

okay so if you skipped the previous paragraph then basically what i want to really say is - i want to live. no, you don't get me - i want to LIVE!