it's all in the mind (aka in a heartbeat...)

no really, you don't get me, i meant it in every way literal...

yesterday my heart was beating irregularly and abnormally hard, i took it lightly and thought that it was nothing so i continued working but it didn't stop until very late night so in the morning i went to the doctor to check what's wrong. surprise surprise he told me that i have too much in my mind and i'm too stressed out. huh? what a piece of crap i said to myself...

so it's been three days since i went to the doctor now and i wrote that paragraph. as i reread that partial piece i smiled. now i more or less know what makes me all stressed out. *yes, i have come to realize that to a certain extent i probably have a "muscle tension"*

it's not the office, it's not the students, the hectic schedule probably plays a small part but the most essential part of it all is...

i think i need to learn to forgive myself.

learn that everyone is never perfect. i am no ace. i wish i am but ultimately i have to realize that sometimes you're up and sometimes you're down. it's great to be "the best" but "good" is usually enough to pass the day. you can't win'em all, if you do what is left to live for, right?

just take a deep breath. try to relax and let go. it's never easy. it's not a one day thing, in fact it's a life time. but just try, try to accept yourself as a whole.