i'll be home for christmas

if only in my dream...

as far as i remember this is one of my very few christmas times away from home. of course there was one about a decade ago when i first arrived in singapore but all 35 of us were "stranded" together so it didn't feel that lonely. i must be honest that this year's is exceptionally heart breaking (for lack of a better word)

i suppose it's not really the obvious fact that i'm not with my family during this christmas time but more of a feeling deeper inside. maybe it's the holding hands snuggling sights of couples all over singapore enjoying the cozy festive feel? *a lil jealous? haha* maybe also it's the nice christmas feel around singapore and no family member to share with? OR maybe just maybe it's *AGAIN?* the feeling of uncertainty where i want to go in the next year *supply chain? marketing?* not only where i WANT actually but more of which door will open for me, in that sense. *hopefully both? so that i have the leisure of choice? see, another uncertain factor looming ahead*

i guess i just miss the feeling of being at home, feeling the comfort of slouching in that all too familiar space of a living room, eating home cooked meals. i also miss the feeling of being in my church. you know it's quite strange, i remember clearly last year attending the christmas service in my church back in jakarta, when i arrived i sat down and looked around thinking "i'm actually at home during christmas, i wonder if i would be here next year". ironically here i am sitting in my small rented room alone looking at my laptop screen :)

having said that i must say that i'm grateful that i'm in singapore, i just completed my mba course and everything is fine. yes there are many avenues ahead but i'm just that much grateful for everything that i have gained at this point in time in my life.

well i guess what i'm trying to say is this year's christmas isn't going to be the same. but i'm trying to look at the bright side of things. i want to sleep early tonight and who knows *sigh* i MIGHT be home for christmas, "if only in my dream..." (special thanks to lisa ono for serenading my sleep tonight)

merry christmas to all :)