a moment of insecurity

reflection at 02.40 am...

you know i've been through many ups and downs in my 26 years of living, so many things happened in the past *too many? hmmm* in a way, it is quite strange how i sometimes value my friends so much more than my family? maybe it's called "cohort" and how people of similar generation would be able to understand each other more? not too sure about that, but tonight a thought keeps me awake for hours.

i always tell my friends that i'd probably get married when i'm 30+ and they'd all probably with children by then :) but you know what? the thought of being alone kind of scares me? well probably not "scare" *that's such a strong word to use*, maybe more "make me uneasy"? so far i always have my friends beside me; to go out when i'm bored, to exchange thoughts when i'm not sure about certain things or sometimes even just some people to joke with. will they stay the same when they have commitments? hmmm...

i tried talking to a friend previously about this but being the confident person that she is, she claimed that nothing will change. apparently... i don't think so. a slightly naive response if you ask me. maybe friends are just people who accompany you until you find that 'significant other' then you say 'adieu, thanks for accompanying me, hope you find yours soon too. heck, it was fun!' well is it wrong to think that way? in a bittersweet manner, i think it does bear a certain truth in it don't you think?

*sigh* who knows? maybe i'll be the one who bids all of you farewell first? *shruggs* i hope i can freeze the moment, where everybody is happy and everyone's my friends. anyways, thanks for keeping me company for 26 years. sorry you guys have to be stuck with me for a few more years i guess.