a matter of insecurity

am i sufficient enough...

ask any of my friends in indonesia, they'll say that i'm a happy-go-lucky guy, does his work last minute most of the time but usually manage to scrape through with quite a decent result in the end of the day. kinduv reminds you to macgyver huh? NOT. haha..

well today i have another of those blue insecurity days. part of me is glad i'm actually taking this supposedly prestigious MBA course *that is of course arguable, explains the "supposed" word in the precedent* but on the other hand, i'm just worried that i'm not cut for it. am i even sufficient enough. every other person in the class seems like someone who excelled at what he did back at work and they look so confident with everything they do. while i am just a regular joe i guess. boy will my friends be so surprised to see how much i actually study nowadays. *sigh* but i can't lie to myself - the insecurity is still there.

one of my friends told me, "don't put a target for yourself, just try and do the best you can". talk is cheap. but what if in reality your "best" isn't even good for the people's standard. maybe i'm paranoid? maybe i'm overly worried? maybe i'm traumatized with past experiences? i don't know. i'm not sure. maybe i don't want to know. just worried when i get the results and i don't perform as expected. *choi! touch wood...*maybe i'll try and hit some books, probably it can calm me a little. haiz, to get some sort of consolation in a book, how sad IS that?