alienated

i hate the feeling...

i thought i hate my friends for speaking in a lingo i don't understand but after much thinking i realized - i hate myself. it is seriously weird, there were three people on the table, why do you have to speak in a lingo one doesnt understand. odd right? am i insignificant? that leads to another question - am i significant? what am i in the world?

why do we hate the feeling of not fitting in. being left out seems to be a turn we'd rather not take. is it that important to fit in? why fit in?

i could actually interupted and say "english please" but i chose not to. it's the whole dumb "they should know better right?" wrong. fact is i let myself drowned in my small little world before i excused myself earlier leaving my friends feeling puzzled at my early departure. it was really awkward but i couldn't help myself. my emotion swept the rug under my feet.

it's been some time since i feel left out like this. i forgot the feeling. i forgot how i hate the feeling. it feels so lonely. makes me feel like nothing in this world.

maybe i am nothing in this world? i am just one person in this million, billion, gazillion, zillion people in the entire universe. by right i should fight myself into the conversation, budge myself in so that i will fit in but no, i kept quiet thinking "you should know better" and feeling shite about myself. i hate myself...haiz...