Sunday, January 28, 2007

on morbid thought

there is competition and there is competition... mmm...

a few days back i was quite surprised the mood of everyone is so choatic. people were getting mad at this particular professor who decided to break up the already made group for class projects. some did parts of it halfway through and there are a few who weren't elated to say the least about their new member(s?). then there was also this news about this supposedly mediocre classmate who was asked for an interview by a well known bank which caused a big hoohaa.

competitiveness.

you can almost feel how thick the air that day. i never like the whole "if he can do it, i'm sure i can do it better" aura. i'm not denying i have a competitive side on me too; which is why i don't play monopoly and chess :D but i try to keep it low i guess. pure positive competition would help you to grow but if you grow just on the competition alone, i think it will lead to an unhealthy competition.

i still remember maybe about a decade back when i asked myself what i want to be in the future. at the time i thought to myself that i wanted to be like my uncle who was working in the bank; he was not particularly wealthy but his family was well supported with the needed facilities *notice "needed" not "wanted"* so basically i just want to be an average joe+. it's not that i want all the wealth in the world, to be the best in everything but as long as i can live my life comfortably i'm satisfied.

i think we should learn how to live our life for ourselves. we want to be the best not by anybody's standard but ourselves. we should even want to work our hardest for ourselves and not on the intention to surpass anybody else. a tinge of competition might spice our life a little bit but let's not make the competition the main course by itself. we'll never be pleased that way.

it's sad to think how the society has taught us to gauge ourselves with others; practically everyone around us. think about it? even at school the marking is done with a normal curve. so there is no such thing that everybody is just as good or even categorazisation as excellent and good. it will always end up as excellent, good, mediocre and not good enough. if you do a 90% and the rest of the class does 98% that means you are not good... i find that absurd... and pathetic at the same time.

in life there may be competition but let's not make competition our life...

Saturday, January 27, 2007

morbid thoughts

24th January 2007

you're running but no one's cheering you on
what for?
don't seem to have any point
no pt
yeah maybe that's it
no point
life has no point
the mba has no point
we have no point
i have no point
there is never a point
there never was
a point
.
depressing
maybe this is where the difference between the creme of the crop and the mainstream
just another joe
but is it wrong to be just another joe

Monday, January 22, 2007

サンキュー!!

Thank You - Homemade Kazoku (Bleach 2nd Ending)

*refrain:

Itsumo sasaete kureru hitotachi ni
To all the people who have supported me..

Higorono omoi wo kometa rhapsody...

This heartfelt rhapsody goes out to you

Appreciation no kimochi wo todoke

To send you my feelings of appreciation

Itsumo arigato, honto arigato

Thank you...I really thank you

Tatoe doko ni itatte kimi no sonzai ni

Wherever you may be,

Kansha shiteru yo
I'm grateful for you


Tasogare no machi ga akaku somaru koro
When the town was dyed red with twilight,


Nanigenaku michi wo aruiteita
I found myself casually strolling the streets

Ikikau hitono mure ga masu gogo,

As evening comes, more people come and go,

Nantonaku tachidomatte mita
And I stopped for a moment

Potsuri to aita kokoro no sukima

My cell phone went off, as though to fill

Umeruyou ni ugoita keitai no manner

This gap that opened up in my heart

Kimi wa hitori ja nai, hora mina

You are not alone, for you see

Tagai ni sasae atteku no sa...
We all will support one another...


One day now

Mirai ga kowakute
When I was feeling troubled,

Nayandeita boku ni mukatte
And frightened of the future

Nanimo yuwazu ni sotto

You were there, though you said nothing

Te wo sashinobete kureru kimi ga ita

You softly reached out your hand to me

Kanashimi ga hanbun ni natta

My sadness diminished to one-half

Yorokobi wa nibai ni fukuranda

My happiness swelled twice over

Gyaku no tachiba ni nattara
If our places were reversed,

Sugusama soba made ni kaketsukeru to chikatta
I promise that I will come rushing to your side


Far away, far away tooku hanarete itemo
Far away, far away, no matter how far you are

Nagareru toki no nakade

Within the time that flows by

Tomo ni sugoshita hibi no kioku wa
The memories of the times we spent together

Kesshite kieru koto wa naino sa
Will never ever disappear

Nakama ya, kazoku ya koibito
To my friends, and family, and girlfriend

Soshite deatta subete no hitobito

And all the people I've come to know

Arigato...mina no okage de
Thank you...because of you

Mata chikarazuyoku fumidaseru

I can step out with confidence


Hito wa daremo hitoridewa ikite ikeyashinai
Nobody can go on living just on their own

Tagai ga tagai wo itsumo care shiai
We each take care of one another

Rikai dekinai toki wa hanashiai
And talk it over when we misunderstand each other

Hara kakaeru gurai warai ai tai

I wanna throw my head back and laugh together


Nanoni naze kou toki ni kenashiai
And yet why do we sometimes insult each other

Kizu tsukiau no teki ga shinai

And hurt one another

Baka baka shii hodo kimi ga sukida

I love you so much it's almost silly

Terekusai kedo chotto honki da

It's a little embarrassing, but I really mean it


Kitto mina igai to shy de
Maybe everyone's unusually shy

Men to mukatte naka naka

And face-to-face, it's so hard

Kuchi ni dashite inaku te

To say anything

Dakedo hontou wa iitai kuse ni

You actually wanna say something

Nanika ga jamashite mina tsuyogatte

But something gets in the way, and you play it off

Tokini wa sarake dashite tsutaeyou

On occasion we should let it all out

Kotoba niwa fushigi na chikara ga yadoruyo

For in words there resides a strange power

Kantan na kotosa, jubun kara mazu hajimeyou
It's so easy, I'll start it off

Kitto dekiru yo
We can do it


I will be there

Just forever

Kimi ga itekureta youni

Just like you were there for me

Thursday, January 18, 2007

a letter of apology

heard of the song "sorry seems to be the hardest word" before? sorry *pun intended* but i don't think i feel the same sentiment with the song. it is probably one of the most abused words actually in my opinion. we tend to say sorry even when we do not mean it, it is just a word to close the lid. there was an incident last week which i triger me in writing this entry, a friend easily said the s word after doing something i consider quite selfish. well the incident itself was pretty minor i think but what surprises me was the way he said it. don't get me wrong, it's not that i was hoping that he dropped on his knees and start imploring for an apology but won't it be better not to say it at all?

this is a reasonably subjective topic, differs for every individuals i suppose. there are some who will demand a somewhat apology and when not fulfilled would go into the whole "didn't even have the courtesy to apologize" but seriously, why do it if you don't mean it. actually i am also guilty at charged i say that alot every time i'm late *which ahem... can be quite often* does that "sorry" mean "i feel bad about it and won't let it happen again the next time around" or is it a "yikez, don't get mad at me, i'll TRY my best the next time around maybe?"

but then again i have this other incident where my friend was supposed to come and help me with some paper formalities. he promised me long way before that he'd give a hand and this is quite an important matter although not much on his part apparently. during the day my friend didn't come nor inform me about it, when i tried calling his mobile phone it wasn't answered. i must say i was pretty annoyed with my friend whom i considered quite irresponsible but actually we have known each other for more than a decade so these kind of things can be resolved with just a word of "sorry". knowing him, i think he feels guilty about it and to avoid conflict he decides not to confront me about it. it's quite a pity if you ask me about the friendship.

maybe as i conclude the insincere apologies are easy to say but the much needed ones are somewhat a mouthful to say. how ironic. let's try to position ourselves better and think if we do need to say the word. if we do, let's not hesitate to come up and elaborate our situation but if we don't, then let's refrain from saying it at all. the song should be "sorry seems to be the hardest word sometimes" but it kind of lose it's catchy title doesn't it. sor.. *ahem* i mean that's interesting :D har har..

Thursday, January 04, 2007

at the end of the day it's just cornflakes....

-- adam sandler in "click"

that line is a quote from one of the dozens of movies i watched during the semester holidays. well to be honest i won't really rave about "click" but there are some parts of the movies that make you think twice and reflect on your life in general. thus, the verdict --> me like.

it's quite strange how this movie speaks to me because all these while i've been chasing this so-called-"success" in life. but what IS "success"? is it wealth? is it prestige? respect maybe? balance in life? i guess the movie tries to explain that the sweet of success is not the end result, but rather it is the process because at the end of the day, it's just cereal... ain't that true.

for those who have not watched, the analogy they used mentioned about a cereal advertisement with a leprechaun chasing after a pot of gold(en cornflakes) at the end of the rainbow.

the more interesting part is that this particular movie somehow coincidentally corelates with the church sermon i attended last sunday. when people born in the 80s and above asked what is their vision in life they do not answer they want to be an architect, not even a doctor which was supposed to be popular? they just want to be rich. i quietly answered similarly by the way. ouch.

the pastor later explained that it is the society and especially the parents who constantly keep on reminding their children that they should study hard for a better life, so that they can buy things they want to, so that they can be rich. people just want a shortcut, something simple, something easy but unfortunately sometimes it is beyond reach. why? because when you are chasing after the ultimate (whatever it is) there will be someone who is better than you, you will be disappointed and never satisfied. and when you have reached the ultimate *if you ever* with a shortcut you question the meaning of it all. they're just cornflakes ain't it?

i suddenly feel the urge to spend more time with my family, been spending way too much time with the books and my friends. only have two days in jakarta before i leave for my second semester, i guess i have to work on that. think about all the things your family have done for you (parents especially?), things they have sacrificed for you. i guess my family does provide. if you're thinking in economy terms, read again the title of the post. it is L.O.V.E. :)

o gawd, i'm so mushy today argh... happy new year btw.